The Initiated Male is that guy you look up to in the classic movies we have all come to cherish over the years…he is the Tyler Durden of Fight Club, Chris Mcandless of Into the Wild and William Wallace of Braveheart. These men are everything you secretly wish to be in one way or another.
They illustrate the life of an initiated male who is a father to himself, to his friends, to his family, to his community and to the world. He finds his purpose via living and breathing responsible manhood. He has the confidence and courage to do the right thing because he persevered the sacred process of crossing over.
“Responsible manhood is a state of mind, and young males must be introduced to it. Wise societies help them gain this confident maturity through controlled, constructive and entertaining outlets. They know this has a big payoff, not only for the individual men but for the entire community.
The initiated male values his place in society because he has earned it! He gains an acknowledged entrance into adulthood and is elegantly yoked into accountable manliness.” Michael Gilbert, The Disposable Male
What are we talking about here? We are talking about what it takes to become a man ladies and gentlemen. I am always a little surprised by how women respond to my answer to the most famous question of all time, “What do you do?”
I provide rites of passage to help men get their “man on”. They always say with a sigh of relief, “Really? -pause- Thank you! We need that…Thank God someone is doing something about this problem…” or “Really? I am so glad you offer something like this, can my husband go?”
These voiced frustrations from the women of the world confirms how modern man is falling short and I propose it is because he never went through a constructive, formal process of killing the little boy inside.
It’s simple…our purpose -from an evolutionary perspective- is to be man enough to secure the woman with the best genes, knock her up and then be the best daddy/citizen we can.
We did this for 6 million years since our first hominid ancestors decided to start walking upright. During those six million years of evolution, the tribes, the clans and the families found that they had an added advantage to survive if they created an arena of initiation for young males.
It was like preventative medicine for the disease of dead-beat daddies and the anecdote to the powerful potential of male destructiveness.
Over time, this practice of initiation evolved along with the biology(the design) of our bodies and minds. By default, male initiation, men’s bodies and our minds compliment one another such that one day a confident, mature responsible man will be accepted into society. If not…he dies or flounders on the fringes of the clan, exiled from participation in family and community. Why? because he didn’t have what it takes and that threatened the entire clan’s survival.
This is a cruel truth we refuse to acknowledge about survival, life and our species today. It’s so easy to forget that we are animals and latch on to the idea that life should be fair…when it is quite the contrary.
Today’s world is worlds apart from the six million years of evolution that created us. The initiation process is extinct and our biology is the same.
This is a problem.
As a result , there are male idiots running around whining, complaining -clamoring adult boys really- and they are concealing their masculine insecurities with acts of overaggressive-ness (fighting & tattoos), flashing high status symbols (buying rims for cars they can’t afford ), becoming avid sport fans (projecting their masculine insecurities) and the worst of them all…working 60 hours a week at the office as a constructive distraction from having to do what must be done?
Kill the little boy inside.
The internal struggle hinges on this premise and we can do something quite extraordinary by initiating ourselves with our own rites of passage, grabbing a dagger and stabbing that little boy through the sternum 109 times and maybe just two more in the temple for good measure.
This is why movies/books like “Fight Club” and “Into The Wild” are so popular. Adult boys recognize what they are missing and project what they long feel but have never been formally introduced to.
Jacare lives in the Amazon, he just initiated his 12 year old son Thiago
Initiated males are our leaders, fathers to themselves and to the world while the uninitiated whine and complain how the world is unfair. That is why the initiated can control his emotions, tap into basic instincts at the right time with precision while the uninitiated flounder with simple things like office politics.
Initiation is tough stuffs. He must come to terms with his own mortality by learning that his character is more valuable than his life. He risks his own life for the simple virtue of standing up for a principle but learns to understand and control his primal male instincts for action, aggression, competition, hierarchy and bonding constructively.
“Male initiation provides socially acceptable means for males to gain status and position, something they seek the world over. These rites act as social pacifiers. By channeling and cutting down on excessive male competition and fostering a disciplined response to exterior challenges, these celebrated passages help stabilize society, drawing young men, who are every community’s most aggressive and precarious element, into the fold.
Encouraging responsible masculinity through rites and initiation, testing men and maneuvering them into adult accountability, is a worthy goal for every culture because responsible masculinity doe more than promote civility….it gains participation by men in the community and in the rearing of children.
He earns his place among the big men in seasons…in years..in competition..” Michael Gilbert, The Disposable Male
Okay, so maybe you understand…Unfortunately for most of us, there are very few options out there if one wants to reach the next level. There really is no where to go to get your “man on”.
Sure you can get married, have kids and then maybe you become a man by necessity if you were lucky to have a solid father, and a few mentors along the way that keep you on the straight and narrow. But this is very rare and instead, you become like so many miserable married men today who jumped into it to only later find themselves lost, struggling to sort themselves out…and eventually end up ruining a family because of it.
What is one to do ? And how far do you have to go? Sport is definitely one component still in place today that provides initiation-like rituals for men.
“The earliest athletic contests, archery and boxing, track and field were drawn directly from the sal king, hunting and battle ground of early man.”
“Sport is the hunt, the chase; it is war by proxy. It’s blowing off steam, defending the clan, making sacrifices for the home team, and learning to lose with dignity. Athletics are a critical right of passage for males, and opportunity to join a larger family, a precious chance to display attributes and skills before the clan.” Michael Gilbert, The Disposable Male
Sounds promising, but High School football isn’t raising men, running to the gym and signing up for the CrossFit team isn’t going to do it and neither will running ultra-marathons across Africa.
A 12 year old man of the Amazon, Brazil
*****Don’t get me wrong, athletics are amazing. I have competed my whole life trying to prove to myself I am a man through sports and because of that I have achieved amazing feats. The pinnacle was racing motorcycles professionally at the highest level in United States.
It doesn’t make me a man. IT ALL FALLS SHORT.
Sports will only get you so far, fighting in the streets will only improve your fighting skills and running across Africa will only show you can well…run across Africa. Understand?
Have the courage to do the right thing and now we are talking about what being a man is all about.
It wasn’t until after I almost died in a motorcycle accident that I approached sports not to win and achieve, but to discover who I am through the process.. That was the lure of racing motorcycles. At the end of the day, you know exactly who you are. Whether it’s all good or it’s gone horribly wrong, who was I in that moment? And the moments following? Was I the man I long to be? How do I behave, what do I feel, who am I?
When I go home…I know exactly who I am and I can either choose to accept it with pride or do something to change it. This is a mature approach to competition that is not taught in today’s sensational sports of rock star status and million dollar salaries.
Teachers and mentors come in all shapes and sizes from books, to authors, to twenty DVD’s you can buy online to help you transform into a man. There is some real good material out there that can help you discover the deep changes necessary.
Unfortunately, that too will get you only so far. Even the David DeAngelos and Doctor Pauls of the world who I believe are serving up some of the best material for young men are missing the most important aspect of what is needed to earn their place as a man among men.
The Rites of Passage.
It’s a pilgrimage, a journey, an adventure to explore the unkown. It is the ultimate test of his skills and cunning mind working in harmony for his own survival. It’s a cross-over point.
Every man deserves to have their moment…their cross-over, but it must be earned. When I witness a man cross-over on one of my adventures it is something sacred and I feel honored to be there.
Killing the little boy inside really is about positive change within, discovering the true self and ascending to the next level; it is self-evolution through a formal process.
“Every positive change- every jump to a higher level of energy and awareness-involves a rite of passage. Each time we ascend to a higher run on the ladder of personal evolution, we must go through a period of discomfort, of initiation. I have never found an exception.” -Dan Millman, No Oridnary Moments-
Sure you have to earn it, it’s fucking scary and you will discover you are not who you think you are, but it’s been that way for millions of years, your body and mind are designed to experience it and reward you with mature confidence that dances with your chemistry. Until you can stand there knowing you have earned your place in the world as a man, you will never feel like one.
Fortunately for you, the world is a big place with amazing cultures, lands, people and varying ways to accomplish the task at hand. It is the largest initiation room and you can walk into it any time you want and for the most part…it’s free.
I did this. The first time was in 2006 with a travel adventure around the world capping it off with a 2500 mtn. bike ride up the coast of Australia by myself and on a whim. I did it again later in 2009 surfing/biking throughout South and Central America… BY MYSELF. It has been a long process.
I did things like risk my life for a principle even though I knew it was more probable I would get fucked up and thrown in a Panamanian prison forever. I stood up to that 7th degree black belt and told him he has no honor, no character and drilled him until he conceded. Sure he would of kicked my ass. Sure I would of been forgotten in a Panamanian prison forever…but I risked it for a principle and my own character. I held myself accountable for EVERYTHING.
Throughout my adventures I have had perspectives shattered, learned true humility and gained much wisdom that one fateful day was tested when I ultimately found myself alone, stranded, lost in the jungle, in the middle of the night, chased by men with machetes. I embraced the moment and found a way to survive…I found my way. I had just experienced yet another initiation, climbed another rung on the ladder and earned a new valued place in the world.
No book, or set of twenty DVD’s will do this for you. You have to get out there. You need to discover who you are and what you need to change, you have to kill the little boy inside and there is no more efficient way to this than going on a pilgrimage, a journey an adventure that nourishes the soul.
For those that want their own epic multi-year journey into manhood…I say GO FOR IT! That’s what I and so many others have done. I say, sell all your shit man, and GO…initiate yourself…earn your place in this world.
For those who feel that is a little extreme and are looking for the quick fix…let me know, I know I can help.
The hitch is this, I believe we have to revisit the process of initiation throughout our lives because we need to constantly renew the feeling of earning our place in this world;we are hardwired for it. We are only what we are doing and who we are while doing it in the present….what we did in the past is NOT who we are today. And this is why men are having “mid-life crisis’s” in their late twenties, thirties, forties and on and on and on.
We must constantly go on journeys of the soul, initiate ourselves, nourish it and initiate ourselves again. The clan is gone and Daddy was too busy working, didn’t know better or simply was not around. But our biology -our design- needs it, it’s been this way for six million years and as men, we must repeatedly earn our place in the world, invigorate our passion to live as a responsible man and most importantly be a father to ourselves, our friends, our family and our community.
About the Author: U R FREE2B U’s founder Ryan Teixeira, extreme sports athlete and early Tesla Motors engineer (employee #24), found a way to sell it all and walk away from the career life most people dream to achieve over 15 months ago with a one way ticket to Brazil. His journeys had a profound impact on him and now he offers men what he gave himself with adventures designed to nourish the soul. The Legendary 21 Day Epic from Nicragua to Colombia does just that. For more information visit http://urfree2bu.com or check out the documentary film 21 Days: http://youtube.com/user/urfree2bu
